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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25143853">throwback to the black nights that i used to devour</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/meananimagus/pseuds/meananimagus'>meananimagus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, i love mingyu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:34:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,615</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25143853</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/meananimagus/pseuds/meananimagus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"if this was a fairytale, we could've had the happy ending but unfortunately, it's not and it will only get worse until one of us surrenders,</p><p> </p><p>i didn't ever think you would. turns out i was wrong."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Mingyu/Lee Jihoon | Woozi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>throwback to the black nights that i used to devour</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"do you remember how we met?"</p><p>it took him a few seconds before nodding dumbly, too engrossed in watching and staring at the playful specks of light reflecting against the younger's soft expression.</p><p>the movie playing at the laid down laptop over the sheets in front of them have been long-forgotten, the faint soundtrack and silent voices coming from it serves as calm noises to fill up the absence of conversation between the couple.</p><p>jihoon always enjoyed calm nights like this with the taller boy, just the two of them. with mingyu seated on the bed, leaning backwards against the headrest while jihoon had his head laid over the younger's lap, harsh reality pushed aside at the back of their minds.</p><p>"you were a creep." mingyu huffed at that which elicited an amused chuckle from the older.</p><p>"i am not, i was an admirer."</p><p>thinking back, jihoon's lips curved into a smile, the nostalgia overwhelming him.</p><p>the cafe, the intersection, the first two words mingyu spoke towards him as the younger appeared right in front of him.</p><p>"you're beautiful." a dangerous warmth crept along jihoon's neck up until his cheeks and ears, which caused mingyu to lean down and press kisses all over the crimson skin, leaving jihoon even more flustered.</p><p>"i can't believe i fell for that words." he scoffed, in an attempt to cover up his gay panic but mingyu wouldn't have that.</p><p>"come on, you called me beautiful too."</p><p>"i should've just stood you up on that date if only i knew you're gonna be like this." voice filled with fondness, one hand coming up from behind mingyu's neck, pulling the younger closer to press their lips together.</p><p>一</p><p>a storm and a blackout, it couldn't sound more depressing as it is already. a lone candle being the only source of light inside the entire apartment, and a thick blanket protectively draped around his whole quivering body to fight the cold.</p><p>he has never felt so helpless and alone. to make the situation worse, his phone died right after the electricity went out. he's all by himself in the dark.</p><p>no, he's not afraid of the dark nor with the storm that is currently making a ruckus outside the walls of his flat. he's scared of being alone.</p><p>a lightning suddenly cracked followed by a boistering thunder making him whimper to himself, he's so close to crying and he felt pity for himself.</p><p>he scanned the living room in distress and his eyes landed upon a single framed polaroid photo. he felt his eyes burn and his nose went runny, throat blocked by something undetermined and he cant swallow, his breathing turned shallow as an initial sob racked through his form.</p><p>it was inevitable, the panic attack, the surge of sadness, the breakdown. no matter how hard he tried to prevent any of those, he didn't succeed. it only took him a single picture to destroy the fake strength he had remaining.</p><p>一</p><p>"... and our first kiss."</p><p>jihoon remembered, he would never forget that very day he got to kiss mingyu's lips. how he proved to himself that he was right, mingyu's lips are soft, too soft, and they definitely doesn't fit any other lips than jihoon's own.</p><p>"you sneaked in at the staffroom to corner me while i was on my shift." mingyu slapped his arm, although it barely had an intention to hurt him so it was more of a touch. jihoon caught the younger's hand and slipped the fingers between his own, locking them on place above his pounding chest.</p><p>"i didn't sneak in, i asked jisoo hyung for permission."</p><p>"since when were you close with my manager?" lifting their laced hands upwards until he can reach to place a soft kiss against mingyu's knuckles, causing an annoyed groan to slip past the younger's lips.</p><p>"don't distract me, i'm trying to remind you of how bad of a kisser you are."</p><p>mingyu wasn't lying, it was bad, a mess. but it was beautiful, in jihoon's opinion, at least. but he's pretty sure mingyu liked it despite his unrelenting denial.</p><p>"you startled me."</p><p>"i would accept that excuse until i tried to lean in for another kiss, and you know i was going to, but you stepped back again, and i apologized thinking you don't want to but you pulled me back towards you so i assumed i could go for it once more but when i did for the third time, you turned your head sideways that my lips landed onto your earlobe instead and it was awkward." jihoon grinned although his face started to resemble an overgrown tomato from embarrassment. mingyu, with a hand combing against the older's strands, pulled lightly on it.</p><p>"hey, i did make up for it and kissed you properly after."</p><p>"after i pulled away from you that i bumped into the boxes and stumbled back until i landed onto my ass, that hurt by the way."</p><p>jihoon offered a hand to the younger who's grunting in pain on the floor back then, only to get mesmerized by the lips that stole his attention when mingyu bit on it as he hesitated to accept the older's help. so instead of pulling the taller to his feet when he held onto his hand, jihoon knelt down and pressed his lips to mingyu's, slightly parted, pair.</p><p>and jihoon was inexperienced, cons of being an introvert and for having no prior relationships. his mouth kept on sliding away from mingyu's and the younger kept on chasing for them, until he just laughed and gave the stunned boy an amused peck before standing up and pulling jihoon with him.</p><p>一</p><p>the thunderstorm just stopped but the lights haven't been back yet and without the noise in the darkness, he felt solemn, with the drab of isolation overtaking every positive emotions he tried to fill his mind with. the silence not helping to calm down his thoughts and senses and he can hear his memories crashing down upon him.</p><p>the sound of alarming beeps and rushed footsteps, the panicked voices and clattering of equipments and everything was just so overwhelming and he's so sensitive to any sound but they won't stop, the noise is daunting and he's vulnerable.</p><p>he choked out a miserable sob, laced with an emotion that couldn't be mistaken as something else but fear.</p><p>too much.</p><p>too much.</p><p>he can't take it anymore.</p><p>too much.</p><p>"you're beautiful."</p><p>"no." he keeps on shaking his head, not accepting of what to happen.</p><p>"you're beautiful.."</p><p>"no!" he pressed both of his palms against his ears, his body trembling, he wants to stop hearing. wants all the voices gone.</p><p>"i love you."</p><p>一</p><p>"no!" the beeping noise from the heartbeat monitor resounding all over the hospital room, doctors and nurses rushing inside and jihoon doesn't know what's going on. fear crawled underneath his skin as his eyes went wide when mingyu's body convulsed. someone pulled him and he was being pushed out of the room.</p><p>"sir, you're not allowed inside."</p><p>"no, mingyu needs me. let me stay!" he yells as tears continue to stream down this face, the nurse shot him a pitiful look before closing the door to his face.</p><p>he fell onto his knees, hands gripping and pulling at his own hair. he feels like his entire life is falling apart right before his eyes and he's helpless, he can't do anything to save it from crumbling, to save himself from completely breaking. everything is slipping out of his own grasp that however he tightens his hold, they turn into nothingness and dissolve into air.</p><p>he can't lose mingyu. he can't lose the sole reason he hasn't given up on himself yet.</p><p>the door to the younger's hospital room opened and jihoon almost stumbled as he tried to stand up with shaking knees. he took in the doctor's sight and he can't. it was wrong. he sees an apologetic expression from the man and it makes him mad, it feels so wrong.</p><p>"i'm sorry, we tried everything we can."</p><p>he screamed, he yelled, he cried so loud that the doctor stood frozen in front of him.</p><p>mingyu is dead. and jihoon felt so dead in the inside.</p><p>mingyu was his everything and he lost him and it makes him so angry and broken, lost and devastated, his entirety was filled with nothing but dread and darkness.</p><p>mingyu is gone.</p><p>一</p><p>"do you remember how we met?" jihoon sat on the cold floor, face wet with tears that won't stop falling from his eyes, his lips trembled as he spoke to the man on the picture, his fingers clutching tightly on the frame, the edges digging sharply against his palm but he paid them no mind. it was nothing compared to the pain that's squeezing within his chest.</p><p>"you barged into my life and broke down my walls so easily, gyu. i didn't know you would take the exit and break me this easily, too."</p><p>his tears continued to fall, some of them landing down the glass surface protecting the picture.</p><p>"you were beautiful, so so beautiful. you still are and i'm utterly in love, you know that right?" his voice stuttering but his grip on the frame wouldn't loosen.</p><p>"and you should know that i'm going to be following behind you soon." he spoke with resolve, fighting the sobs that staggers his breathing.</p><p>"i promise i'd be with you soon."</p><p>he hated his fate, he hated mingyu's fate. he hated how their fates ended up.</p><p>but he doesn't regret tangling up his own with mingyu's.</p><p>it was beautiful and a tragedy but mingyu made it all worth it.</p>
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